i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
