apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
