you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
