And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
