When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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