if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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