Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
