it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
