Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
