can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
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Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
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There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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