Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
