I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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