called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
