I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
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the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
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What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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