I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
