You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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