there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
