I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
