You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
