Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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