I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
