How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
