i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize