that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
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He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
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He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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