You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
