In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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