youre lurking in front of me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This is my gift to your gina
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
