he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i've created a new STD.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Randomize
