She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
