Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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