I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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