So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
