I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
