Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
