I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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