someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
