You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
