He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
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Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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