Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
