your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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