Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I love having hate sex.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
