my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
