Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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