dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
