What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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