You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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