Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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