I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
