You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
