mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
