I only kidnapped one of them. chill
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
