You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
