had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
