I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
