im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
