I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
