and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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