i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
