Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
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you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
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I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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