dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
