Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
