i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Too much gin, very little bucket
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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