The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
