My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
