Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
