I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
