FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
