I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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