I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
