someone threw a dead crab at me
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
